Blue Monday

• 12 oz. Anderson Valley 20th Anniversary Imperial IPA - home

Today I was getting anxious about not going back to work. I am excited about taking the next few months off, but today it really hit me what it will be like to not go back to work. There's always an excitement and freshness about beginning the school year. There's a rhythm to it....preparing the classroom, meeting with the staff for the first time after summer and going through inservices (everyone seems so familiar, but 'new' at the same time), doing last minute details before the first day of school, seeing your new students come down the hall, seeing your old students pass you by, facing your class for the first time and seeing all their faces as a whole, the first staff meeting after the Tuesday half day ("Share one thing about your day!"), Parent's Night and meeting all the parents, happy hour after Parent's Night, the magazine drive assembly, feeling exhausted but overwhelmingly excited about your year after the first week. There are so many emotions I go through over the next few weeks, but they won't be a part of me this year; or rather, I'll feel some very different emotions this year. How will it feel returning to my classroom in three months? Everything will be new to me, yet old to everyone else. I'm the type of person who likes to be in on everything....I don't like to miss anything, and it will be strange "missing" the students, the staff, the day-to-day ups and downs, and my friends over the next few months.

I am excited and thrilled to be staying home with my child - my son - and Susan, but I know I will have to get out of the house and live some of my "former" life once in awhile to keep from going crazy. Maybe my thoughts on this will be short-lived and I'm sure I will look back in December and know that it was the best thing I could have ever done, but for now; it's an adjustment.

I've always prided myself in my ability to adapt. I think it is most apparent when I travel. Going to Europe, Africa, California, Colorado, Hawaii, or wherever, I seem to make the transistion from one place to the other smoothly and I'm always ready to start activities NOW. I remember going to Africa and feeling nervous before and during the flight, but once there, I calmed down and though everything was so different and new, I thought I took it in well. "So we're sleeping on this cot with a mosquito net and no running water in the toilet or sink? Okay, cool." I love when I go to visit Christopher and from the minute I'm picked up from the airport, we're off to do something. I don't have to go to my home base to unpack, or rest, or get settled - I'm ready for adventure right away, and he's the same way when he visits here. I'm not sure why I'm this way, but I think it might have something to do with my moving around a lot as a kid. We moved from Washington to California to Kansas to Georgia and then to Ohio and back to California and I was never nervous or scared to do this. We were always exposed to new things and new places and were constantly going. I do wonder however if this has made me restless, and if I stay to long in one place or idea or situation, I need to move on, or try something different, or escape.

How does this relate to having a child? Staying at home with my child will bring a new surprise(s) everyday, but I'm not sure if this is enough to 'pacify' (haha) me. I know that I won't be moving London around as much as I moved as a kid, but I do look forward to taking him out on new adventures, and maybe this is my comfort and happiness.