Christmas Day

• 1 bomber Delirium Noel - home

London and I went to 8 am mass. It was a special time taking him to his very first Christmas mass. Christmas mass always reminds me of the last time I saw mom. Jim, Ken, Michelle, Susan, and I attended Christmas Day mass in Oceanside in 1998 and I remember praying the whole time that she would live. Later that day we drove down to the Oceanside beach area and walked around. It seems that mom went because that's what she wanted to do, although she needed a lot of help. Or maybe she didn't go because she didn't have enough strength. Unfortunately I don't remember it. Anyway, that Christmas was the last time I saw her. I think Ken, Michelle, and I had a really hard time enjoying Christmas for years after that. I think Michelle still does. I've always thought about families who have gone through tragedies during what should be a special time. Susan's cousin's husband's dad died on Thanksgiving in a house fire. How could a person or family ever fully enjoy that holiday again? I look forward to enjoying Christmas again now that London is here, but there will always be that emptiness and knowing that I'll never be able to let go.